Mr. Not Nice

I have nurtured my image of not being a nice person.

It is not that I throw stones at drowning people.

It is just that I am not socialized.

It is not that I think everybody else is stupid and that is why I do not converse with people.

It is just that when I talk to myself I am sure that I will have a good conversation.

Being a bad role model for decent people does have its advantages. Nobody bothers me with requests for money. They know it is a waste of time.

I never have to refuse an invitation as I never get any invitations.

I suppose it happens to most people. You are walking to the shops and a neighbor or acquaintance stops you and starts a conversation. Actually, you are in a hurry and the last thing you want is to talk to this person. 

However, you do not want to hurt his/her feelings. So you stand there smiling and making the right noises.

Never happens to me. People cross the road if they see me coming.

Every now and then my idyllic state of libertarian solitude is encroached upon. My family organizes an event. That means lots of people milling around my house, dirtying my floors and sanitary spaces.

They drink immense amounts of alcohol that I have paid for. It is not that I begrudge them the booze.

It is just that I would prefer to drink it all myself.

Even though nobody is coming for me, I still have to be sociable. So, I have been practicing.

Firstly, I have had to change my smile. It usually looks like a sneer or a leer.

A mirror comes in handy. 

The smile must not be too broad with an open mouth. Then it could be a laugh. It must be a bit wider closed mouth expression. The head should be slightly tilted as if you are listening. A few nods every now and then help as well.

Secondly, I have been watching talk programmes on tv. Great examples of smiling and talking for long periods of time without saying anything.

I am getting to be quite good at this empty interaction thing. I may now decide to enter politics.